Birthday coming!! i feel that there is still friend concern me... I am trying my best to take pasir ris chalet and really hope that my best brother (dasmond) will come!!! He that day promise to help me organise... Too bad there is fully book and he did not let me know immediately!!!

He also says he unable to go as too far!!! I feel disappoint and heart pain!!! I thought that he will understand me and could bring laughter to my life and cheered me up!!! Really wish that he will be there to brightened up my days!!! Why recently so rely on him??? Why??? I regarded him as my very good brother and wish that no matter what, he will treasure me too...

Dun care leh, this world is reality and really no sense of human warmity... I feel coldness and really look through everyone's real face!!! The world is fake!!! Haha!!! difficult to have the loved one!!!

Friends sometime also fake too, who is real and who is fake, i cannot differentiate...I am lost!!!

God, please enlightened me and send someone down to love me and take care of me~~~ Help me!!! Dun be sad!!! Dun let my heart broken and sob again!!! No more tears, no more mask!!!

I am becoming worst!!! What can i say??? I hate this world sometimes and i only can say that i had too many tasks to do!!! Being the only child, i need to be considerate for my parents...

There are many things i choose to let go and sacrifice. My life is so stress and i am too lazy to think more!!! Every day school, go work for opera!!! If not, straightaway go home accompany dad!!!

Dad is the only one i care most in this world!!! I need to take care of him and i promise auntie to do so.... Love him more!!

Recently, i feel that i am going to burst, lots of tears!!! My friends hardly show concern of me!!! I did not want to go out with them and talk to them.... As i feel that communication breakdown!!! I had changed!! My life starts to change!!! Actually, i feel painful when they keep on enjoying and is like ignoring me!!! Maybe i am sensitive and maybe i am selfish!!! I am no more the Bee Lay!!! I even hate my current life!!!!

When times passed by, i realised who is the one who shows real concern and the one i care more is Chloe and ting and siew!!! Thanks for consoling me while i am sad!!!

Chloe, i will never forget you in my life and i will be there if you need me!!!I am sorry that i keep on turn you down and did not attend activities you arranged!!! That is not i regard money more than you!!! Is just that i really need to earn the money and be responsible in the workplace. I know that i am not good in studies but i work hard in the working environment. I want to earn a living, if not, i will die!!!

For those friends who did not really talk to me, i only hope that you all can dun ignore people's feeling!!! i wish that you all will be there to help me and cure my worries!!! At least, consider my feelings and do say that give me some treats or sponsor!! I am not greedy or wanting you all to pity me. But do spare a thought for me!!! Laughter might be melting my heart and not colden my heart!!!

Please, god!!! Help me!!! Bless me and help me to earn more and hope that all the friends can do something for me!!! I really going to drown!!! I been forcing very hard!!! The one i used to trust, loves to crap with is now like giving me a cold shoulder!!!

Forgive me if i am very what, i cannot lose more!!!! If my parents not around, i will be the one who suffering in this world!!! NO siblings and is also like going to break ties with relatives!!! Everything is gone and lost!!! I want to get back!!!

I really no idea what to do? Who can help me? I am so lost.... I did not want to give up of studio production...

If i did not give up, there will be many of them not happy of me.... Have anyone spared a thought for me? I also did not want this to happen and i would like to make things easier. My heart is sour and bitter, no one really understand me and can help me... i did not purposely want to go perform opera too... I really need to earn money.. Not like others, can simply happy spend a lot of money. When i looked at they all spend money to go k box, i feel that they are so lucky and rich. I do not want to be leave out and would also wants to join in the funs.. Hence, i need to work very hard to go earn money...

Really wish that my friends can understand me. I cannot don't go opera. Beside earning money, i also offer helps to my god dad.. Now, he started to get stroke sometimes... I really feel that he is also pitiful..

I really wish that god can help me... Stop giving me pain and hardship... i am enough of it, i really wish that i can faster solve my problem...

Is a very happy thing to perform with yu zhong brother and ah xi sister!!! They all treat me very nice, lend me clothes and teaches me perform... Yu zhong brother helps me make up!!! Many of them saw it and feel that why they all treat me very nice!!! Haha!!! Envy ooo!!! First time feel very special and important to them!!!

I know some times i am not that intelligent and all my friends loves to tease me!!! I am dumb sometimes and will say wrong things!!! this is because i am absent minded and did not listen carefully!!! Everyday busy with many stuffs and not getting enough sleep!!! Brain blank and dun feel like talking too much too!!

I feel that my heart is somehow cold toward certain kind of people... I need someone to understand me!!! And is not just hold on to me and ignore me!!! No matter what i feel this world is very harsh sometime and that is life!!! I hate it!!! But since after yu zhong had come, my heart feel comfortable with the care he provided... He is a good brother and i feel that because of that, ming hao brother may not be very happy and is like seldom talk to me le!!! No choice, i cannot go perform with him and is more fated to perform with yu zhong!!!

He wants me to learn well and he sometimes give me encourages!!! I am very happy that day i look gorgeous than previous... He think i can make it and would want to invite me to perform with him next year with the whole taiwan troupe. Just only say dunno whether is true ma?? I wish that my dream can come true and become more well known of my specialties.

Hope that henry brother can faster come and teaches me as well!!! hahas!!! he is a good brother too!!!

Finally presentation is finish and hope will pass!!! wear so formal!!! After presentation, go home change clothes!!!
Yesterday the whole night no much sleep due to go out celebrate with mag they all. Although was happy and fun but i spend a lot!!! Need to earn back the money!!! And dun be too spendy next time!!! i want to go Taiwan again next next holiday! I eat a lot too and drink alcoholic drinks!!! Go Japanese restaurants (MaMasen, Bars and K box)!!!! wow!!! Have a long walk, i think walk around the whole Singapore raffles place areas!!!
Look at my formal wear!!!

The whole day really very stomach cramps!!! Cannot walk straight.. Anthony chew keep on asking me a lot of questions and i really could not speak up for myself!! I was struggling in pain, almost cried out!!!

Today is a bad day, whole day cramps!!! Luckily got Pat accompany me go take bus to bus interchange!!! If not, i really cannot make it.. Maybe because i too stressed over this few days and overload with many things.. Especially keep on going opera！！

God dad in hospital, i did not have time go visit him... Since promise to act for yi po( Ah har ah yi's auntie)... She is really very good to me, teaches me a lot... I even practices some marital skills... Whole body ache...

I quite miss agnes and Sok feng!!! So long no see them... I missed a lot of friends!!! Hope that one day, all my friends will be supporting me and come watch me... Hope that it will be surprised!!! been waiting but hard to open mouth asks them come since they dun feel like coming!!!! haiz...

It is a really fun day in marketing lesson!!! I never laugh so much before lo... Gillian Ong, a team mate of my, when she present, she keep on laughing.. Even the facilitator also cannot stop laughing.. Jean and me keep on laughing, cannot control lo!!!

I today no voice and cannot present well!!! Haiz... This few days is a very tiring job for me!!! So i a bit sick too!!! Haiz!!!